Toxic Feminine Allure

Let’s call things as they are. There is nothing wrong with Prince Harry and Jeff Bezos getting wrapped up and whipped up in their late blooming oxytocin-induced sexual rapture, from someone who appears to use them for their fame, power and wealth — someone maybe looking to establish their own agendas by taking advantage of easily impressionable and easy to seduce men who were sheltered, intellectually focused, maybe even married young … and maybe never got out in the field to sow their oats, so to speak.

There’s nothing wrong with this; I’d bet that most of us have been through something similar in our own ways as we learn to manage our emotions and passions. I am also not denouncing that there is very likely sincere love in their relationships, but where I do take issue is when these kind of men try to repackage their relationships as something else, as a means to protect their public reputations. They’re shoving beefed up perceptions that these women are philanthropists and royal servants to society down our throats, when it appears clearly to most of us that they have not developed an organic sense of selflessness, but instead posture as such to maintain their status, wealth and fame.

Sigmund Freud’s “Madonna Whore complex” is a psychological concept that highlights the dichotomy between women as either virtuous, pure, and nurturing (the Madonna) or sexually promiscuous, seductive, and morally corrupt (the Whore).

Society is still stuck in this misconception of women having to be one or the other. I believe that this is unrealistic and damaging for women. It places unrealistic expectations on women to embody contradictory roles, and it is why we see high profile men trying to repackage how their sex based relationships are viewed by society. Own it! Be you! There is nothing wrong with your attraction, and where you’re at in your sexual maturity, but we all know that it has a timeline. Mature men who have dated a fair amount in their lives are aware of these phases. They don’t invest their lives and livelihoods into relationships that are based fundamentally on sexual attraction.

I taught yoga to Lauren and a group of about eight other Beverly Hills women who were in a circle of friends, sometimes together, and often individually at each of their homes, including Lauren’s. At first, I loved having the opportunity to bring some light and spirituality into their chaotic, celebrity focused lives. Hollywood and fame is not kind to women. The pressures of having to look perfect, act perfectly and to maintain youthfulness as we age is not kind to the soul, let alone while being famous in an age where mean and hate-filled bullies infest online platforms.

However, after years of dealing with increasingly toxic gossip about each other, flakey and scattered sessions, plastic surgery obsessed conversations, and private details of mutual acquaintances’ personal matters inappropriately shared with me, I hit my capacity for all of them immediately after Lauren’s 40th birthday party.

I was honored to be invited, and I truly cared about Lauren. I can confidently say that she has the most infectious personality I have ever met. But the reason behind her infectious personality can be explained. It is addictive because it is elusive. In my opinion, it is based on her deep insecurities being far outmatched by her postured confidence, combined with impeccable boundaries to be certain that no one ever gets close to seeing what’s truly behind the curtain. She’s the real Wizard of Oz. Understanding the psychology of unconscious male attraction, it is obvious why men fall for Lauren. Yes, she is attractive, and yes, she has a joie de vie that makes you want to catch a moment of her attention, because when it’s on you, you feel exceptionally amazing. But if it’s on you, I can guarantee it is only because she wants something from you, for herself.

Here I was, enjoying an amazing party, a live performance from Rick Springfield, surrounded by 70% A list celebrities (because of who Lauren’s husband was at the time). The DJ played the song, Boom Boom POW. Lauren screamed out, “Alanna! Come dance with me!” So I joined her on the dance floor, alone.

Now, I have many, many talents that I am incredibly grateful for, but anyone who knows me, knows that I can dance; I’ve just got natural rhythm and moves. Everyone was watching as Lauren and I danced, but her face began to scowl as I wiggled on the dance floor. She was clearly annoyed that I was getting attention and possibly outshining her. So she pushed me away and turned her back, leaving me in utter embarrassment. Someone recently told me that there is a similar scene in the TV show Big, Little Lies. I wouldn’t be surprised if that moment inspired that scene, because the very people behind the making of that show were at that party.

The next day I drove to her house with a check for the remaining three yoga sessions she had prepaid for in a package. I told her that I quit, that I didn’t deserve to be treated the way she treated me, and I wouldn’t have dedicated my life to yoga and wellness to endure more Beverly Hills Housewives toxicity.

I saw Lauren a few times over the years after, and it was always cordial, scattered and fake, but not unpleasant. After seeing her relationship with Jeff Bezos, and her involvement in more uplifting initiatives, it appeared that she had changed from who she was years ago; more in line with a commitment to uplift and help people – more in line with the work I have dedicated my life to. So, I emailed her, 1) congratulating her on her new relationship; she truly appeared happy, and 2) to tell her about my new children’s book and yoga dolls. I suggested discussing a partnership with some of the Bezos’ initiatives for children and the environment, as one of my doll characters, Niyama, is focused on conserving the Amazon in Brazil. I was particularly excited about my new children’s book, Dharma Kitty Goes to Mars, because it’s about a cat who falls asleep in a rocket and flies to Mars. With Jeff’s interests in Mars and children, it seemed a perfect share and beneficial to everyone involved.

I also emailed Jeff Bezos with these details about my space-focused yoga doll, Pratya, as well as the book, Dharma Kitty Goes to Mars. I received an email reply from Jeff’s office, stating that Jeff received my email with links for me to propose publishing with Amazon’s publishing companies.

January, 2023, Lauren announces that she is writing a children’s book about a FLY who rides a rocket into space. Coincidence? If I didn’t know her personally, potentially. Not only do I know that she read my email, and that she already knows about my children’s products and stories, but I know her modus operandi.

Why would someone in a position of power knock off the idea, concept or work of an artist, activist, or even their former yoga instructor; someone who openly shared their work with them; someone who is truly doing the work with organic, heart-felt purpose? Rich people do it all the time! They simply want to APPEAR as someone who cares so that they keep their position of status, wealth and power. Now add on to that, someone trying to maintain the illusion of a Madonna, so that she keeps her bread and butter relationship with the source of power and wealth; that’s the most dangerous of them all!

Because of who I am, having a fiercely creative spirit and a desire to contribute positively to a world clouded with delusion, I’ve been knocked off by bigger and greater, including major celebrities, wellness personalities, and major corporations. I’m finally ready to speak about these things. I 100% own that I am responsible for having shared my amazing and creative concepts so freely, and for not pursuing legal action sooner when the recipient breached integrity. I have come to realize that I had an extremely rare mix of being extraordinarily talented, with a deep desire to help others, and a unique blend of early childhood trauma that left me with a distorted self worth that didn’t match the truly great value of who I am and how I live. I’ve grown into my worth, I’ve learned, and I’m here to finally share the truth of things.

THE ENVIRONMENT

We need to be concerned about environmental issues, and shift our individual behaviors towards sustainability. I intentionally don’t feed fast fashion. I don’t wear plastic clothing (nylon is plastic), unless I know the source of the nylon was recycled plastic. I don’t get Botox, in order to save the ocean another floating used syringe. I’m truly not being judgmental here, but how can someone who choses to fill their body with toxic silicone tell me that they care about the environment, while posting from their private plane, no less?

Again, there is nothing wrong with plastic surgery or global traveling choices – rock on! I’m only pointing out the hypocrisy when touting advocacy for environmental concerns when a person’s actions clearly show us otherwise. We must not be fooled by empty gestures from someone trapped in a dysfunctional cycle, having established a platform by embracing characteristics of the Whore, but now trying to appear the Madonna to maintain their relevance.

CHILDREN’S WELLNESS

Children’s wellness, especially their mental health, is another great concern. I majored in Child Development in college, and I’ve been writing children’s books for thirty years, teaching children’s yoga and mindfulness classes and camps, even dedicating my life and business profits to AZ I AM Kidz, my brand of health focused dolls and toys. I positively changed the toy industry by creating the first moveable plastic doll on the market with The World’s First Yoga Doll®. When I discovered who was making decisions on what toys our children play with, I was mortified. No one had ANY awareness of child development or understanding as to what our children play with, or how they play, affects their character, actions and mental wellness.

Once I introduced more health focused concepts fused with modern day play patterns, many other toy companies followed suit. Good! I am proud of this and I hope it continues. I share this to illustrate how crucial it is to distinguish between those who have demonstrated long-term commitment and personal sacrifice from those who simply adopt a caring persona for personal gain, show or profit.

Most people can see beyond the smoke and mirrors of appearance and posture. It is important to see the true motivations behind people’s actions, and it is vital to teach these realities to children. It’s destroying their mental health, believing that they are less than others because they view superficial presentations in the news and on social media.

WE ARE MORE THAN WHAT WE LOOK LIKE

Plastic surgery has greatly enhanced aesthetics, and how we view beauty and physical attractiveness. This has partly led to women gaining more power, in conjunction with social initiatives for equality, opening the door for abuse of power. Anyone can buy a new body, tape on some hair, file down their nose, follow a make-up tutorial, filter their selfies, and BAM, they’re gorgeous. I was friendly with a celeb-favorite, Beverly Hills plastic surgeon who once told me, “I used to think that people were born beautiful. I learned quickly with my work, that 90% of all highly attractive people have had some subtle work done to enhance their looks.” We’ve all seen the before and after photos, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with this; it’s fun to create and accessorize our looks – it can be tasteful and artistic, but we must also learn to look beyond people’s appearances, and to be honest about the means and lengths taken to achieve them.

Being able to look beyond a person’s appearance will result in a great skill that will protect you from becoming a victim to advertising, unnecessary expenditures, experience greater friendships and a healthier self esteem. I, personally, am simply unimpressed with tits and ass being thrown in our faces everywhere we go, and because we see it everywhere it’s getting really boring. I can’t be seduced by these tactics and I find it utterly empowering. Hopefully this is part of a global debunking of delusion. We have to get comfortable with reality, with truth, with intimacy, and with integrity.

TOXIC FEMININE

Those using their hyper sexualized appearance as a means to deceive or use others for personal gain are exhibiting Toxic Feminine characteristics. I am a feminist, in the sense that I seek equality for all people, while specifically championing women and girls for our unique characteristics: being intuitive, nurturing, receptive, authentic, compassionate, community-minded and creative.

I’ve pushed firmly against Toxic Masculinity my entire life: characteristics that include aggressive suppression of women, objectification of women, and ignorant, entitled dominance over women. As a female entrepreneur I have said no to investment money from men, because I, personally, came with the deal. Men often equate the exchange of money with sex, so I chose to go it alone, working hard from sheer passion and purpose.

Toxic femininity, on the other hand, is a term for the shadow side of the Divine Feminine. Here, in her shadow, she plays the victim; she’s insecure, manipulative, passive aggressive, possessive, jealous, gossipy, deeply conniving, uses her sexuality for personal gain, twists the truth of matters to hurt others, steals, and she is often very co-dependent.

With all of this conversation, I’ve been wondering, which is worse: Toxic Masculine or Toxic Feminine? My conclusion, albeit both are toxic shadows, Toxic Feminine qualities are more deceptively dangerous than the overtly brunt force of Toxic Masculinity, the latter which society is becoming more privy to, as a whole.

I also strongly believe that these same toxic behaviors and motivations don’t qualify with one gender, because frankly I have experienced Toxic Masculine from women with dominant masculine traits and, quite similarly I have experienced Toxic Feminine from men with dominant feminine traits.

STOCKHOLM SYNDROME

Not only are we in this Age of Toxic Feminine, we’re in the Age of Global Gaslighting and Narcissism. We’re watching celebrities fall in love with their filtered images, staring lovingly at their altered reflection and demanding that you do too, all the while fiercely defending their delusion.

Our society is under a silent spell from our captors, the rich and famous, who control the narratives. People don’t want to call out the truth with those in a position of power or wealth because they’re afraid of losing favor. Guess what, they’re not going to give it to you anyways, so play the lottery because there’s a greater chance of your personal gain there than kissing up to the rich and famous. Additionally, every editor I spoke to about this article had the same concern: “Bezos has a lot of cash to sue us.” I am at the point in my life that I don’t care about anything except the truth and speaking up to give strength to others to do the same.

In a world where pressing issues demand our attention and action, when children’s mental health is suffering due to misleading media and altered perceptions of reality, we must be discerning in our evaluation of individuals who make claims of social advocacy. AI is taking over and cat- fishing now has its own category in cyber-Olympics. Empty posturing and self-promotion should not overshadow the genuine efforts of those who have dedicated their lives to making a difference. Let us not be deceived by hollow gestures but instead champion and amplify the voices of those who demonstrate genuine care through their actions, long-term commitment, and meaningful contributions.